What not to say to someone who’s single

Recently, a single friend of mine posted a status on Facebook detailing the things she wished well-intentioned people wouldn’t say.  She’s been single for much longer than I have, but I couldn’t agree with her points more.

I’ve been single for a bit over two years.  It’s taken me quite a long time, but I’m totally okay with being single.  I think I’m doing some pretty awesome things over here in my own little corner, and I’m more in love with God than I ever have been.  I’m growing into the person God wants me to be, independent from a relationship, and I’m loving every minute.  Now, that’s not to say I’m not interested in beginning a relationship with a Godly man.  Heck, I’m very interested, but I no longer base my happiness or self-worth on whether or not a guy likes me, or I’m in a relationship.  And I’ve gotten to the point in my relationship with God, that I will not begin a relationship until He gives me the all clear.

That being said, here’s my list of things not to say to someone who is single, regardless of how long they’ve been single.

1. I want to introduce you to someone.  I’m totally for making friends.  Seriously, the more the merrier.  And I will totally act like I want to meet this person for romantic reasons, because I like to joke that I’m *desperate* for a relationship.  But please don’t misunderstand, I appreciate the gesture, but it adds unnecessary pressure for things to work out.

2. You would look really good with so-and-so. My friends at church recently said this to me along with What if we try to set you up?.  Initially, I loved the idea.  But when I really stopped and thought about it, I begin to feel uncomfortable around said person, when I should just be enjoying their company.  Again, this puts pressure (even if it’s unintentional) on a relationship that doesn’t exist.

3. Are you texting anyone?  Imma tell you a secret: I am texting somebody.  BUT. We met at a worship event, and are simply getting to know each other.  The group of people I was with is becoming friends with the group he was with.  I have no idea what God intends to do with this.  With that, I ask, friends, instead of making things weird, pray for us.  Pray for guidance and patience, and for complete and utter reliance on God.  I know what it’s like to rush into things, thinking God is saying one thing when He’s actually saying something entirely different.  So, if you ask me this and I give you an honest ‘yes’, instead of asking for details, pray over our conversations.  And if you ask, and I say no, pray anyway, both for me and the future God has for me.

4. Is there anybody special in your life? Does God count?  How about friends, or family?  Because they’re all pretty special to me.  But if you ask me, chances are I’ll just laugh and give a playful answer (like “I wish”).  I have many special people in my life, and I meet more all the time.  Please don’t assume that there’s no special person in my life just because I’m single.

5. You know, you could be married in five years. I am totally aware of this.  This is quite a real possibility.  But, I am totally content in the fact that I don’t know what tomorrow holds.  It’s like an adventure, and what’s more fun with that?  I may have to wait until I transfer to my next college to meet the man I’m supposed to be with.  Or maybe, when I start my career.  I may already know the guy, but have to wait until the time is right for the ball to start rolling.  Either way, there’s no point in putting a time restraint on God.  I’m no longer impatient, and I don’t think you should be either.

6. Where are you going?  Are there going to be guys there? Chances are, I’ve already thought of that. And chances are, if I’m going somewhere that poses this question, I’m going with a group of friends and am more interested in spending time with them than looking for a guy.  Yes, I’m looking for a Godly man, but I’m not actively and desperately looking.  I know that when the time is right, God will lead me to him.  And I’m more than content with that.

7. God has somebody for you, don’t worry.  I wasn’t worrying, thanks.  And God may have somebody for me, or He may not.  I am very aware that God may call me to a life of single-ness.  And if that is the case, that’s something I’ll really have to wrestle with God about.  I know many fabulous men and women who are a lot older than me who aren’t married, and let me say, they kick butt.  I pray over the man God wants me with constantly, and I also pray over my future, romantic desires aside.  I’m a pretty hopeless romantic who wants her Prince Charming (or a Mr. Darcy or Mr. Rochester would be pretty cool too).  But right now, God is all I need, and so I’m not worrying about the man God has for me, or when I’ll meet him.

Before you read any further, please watch this video.  It’s one of my most favorite things, and I instantly get goose bumps.  And I totally agree with everything.

I will wait, no matter how long, because ‘I serve the Author of Time’. His timing is perfect, and I don’t want to screw something up because I was impatient.  Besides, there is nothing more beautiful than when God’s plan for us comes to fruition.  And, just because I may not get married when society thinks I should, or even at all, doesn’t mean God isn’t working.  He’s always working, and His plan is always beautiful, and I wouldn’t have it any other way.  I trust God completely with my future.  He has time and time again amazed me by what He does.

So friends, I love your enthusiasm for me to find love.  But I ask that you turn that enthusiasm towards prayer.  I see a relationship as a serious thing, and I do not take it lightly.  Pray for guidance as I meet new people, and form new relationships.  If you feel so inclined, pray over my future.  Being single does not mean I can’t be covering my future in prayer.

If you feel the need to ask me any of these questions, I’ll smile and play along.  But I’d much prefer if you simply support me in where I am in my life right now.  Support me in my schooling, in any writing pursuits (like my blog or any other projects), in my spiritual life, and if I decide to follow God into missions.  Support and love and prayer and friends and good times are all I want right now.  And if God gives the okay, a relationship would be an added bonus.

Ciao for now,

Julia

 

 

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One thought on “What not to say to someone who’s single

  1. Thank you for sharing. I remember the uncomfortable looks and questions before I married at age 30. This a good reminder of how to be sensitive to my single friends. Blessings.

    Like

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