An end and a beginning.

Yesterday, I handed in my two weeks’ notice at my job.  Tomorrow I start orientation for my new job.  Next week, I have finals.  And in four months, I transfer to my next college to finish my Bachelor’s degree in Psychology.  A chapter is ending.  A new adventure is beginning.

I’ve spent the past two years going to the local community college, and working at a local grocery store.  In a way, it feels fitting that as I finish my time at this college, I move on to another job.

Resigning from my job is not a new idea.  For several months, I have been toying with the idea of leaving.  The things I could tolerate when I first started this job, I no longer can.  I even sent out a few applications last September.

Compared to my very first job, this second job at the grocery store was a million times better.  But now, as my list of frustrations grow, this new job stands miles above my current.

As I was venting frustration after a day of work recently, my brother happened to comment that what I was saying were similar things, if not the same, from when I resigned from my first.  Through my frustration, I could see he was right.  But I began to realize, that like everything, my job was good for a season.

I am beginning to realize that everything happens for a season, and for a reason.   I was in a relationship recently, that was very brief.  But though it was brief, I believe it was very important.  It revealed a lot of important things.  And I see my soon-to-be former job in the same light.  I have learned a lot from my coworkers, my managers, and even my customers, and thus am trying not to only view the job, and the past two years, through the lens of current frustrations and angers.

I’ve learned what true compassion and love looks like.  I’ve learned how to understand people, and then how to appreciate them.  I’ve learned to swallow my pride, and to understand that I am just as important (or in some cases, just as unimportant) as my fellow employees.  I’ve learned how to face challenges, and what it truly means to think on my feet.  I’ve learned the importance of expectations, and the importance of standards.  I’ve learned the true importance of following through, and fighting for things I want.

Through on-going issues in management, I am learning the importance of clarity and communication between leadership.  I am learning the sour taste that comes from managerial favoritism.  I am learning the awkwardness and helplessness that comes double standards and hypocrisy in management.

From all of the issues combined, I am learning that if a situation is frustrating, it is on me to fix it.  I am learning that if I ask and ask for more responsibilities or different positions, it is on me to initiate the conversation, and to follow through.  But most importantly, I am learning, that if after I have done that and nothing has changed (or has even gotten worse), it is my responsibility to leave.

I began learning this is in the fall-out of my relationship, and I am learning it even more now: If a situation is directly affecting my sanity, attitude, and future, it is my responsibility to change that.  My well-being should be my main focus.

Something I say to myself, when I am really struggling with a situation, is this: What is more important to you; your sanity and future, or …………. (fill in the blanks)?. When I was in the relationship, it was: What is more important to you; your sanity and future, or not hurting someone’s feelings?  And while struggling with the frustrations of my job: What is more important to you; your sanity and future, or the friends you’ve made and the “comfort” of a job you’ve had for several years?

There should be no shame in leaving a job.  There should be no shame in admitting, “This just isn’t going to work anymore.”.  There should be no shame and no guilt, in searching for a job that better suits your needs and wants, one that will work better with your sanity and future.  There should be no shame or guilt in leaving a relationship that isn’t working.  There should be shame in leaving a situation that is having a negative impact on your well being.

In this moment, typing this on my back porch, in the spring twilight, the importance of this idea is being driven into my heart.  It’s true, though, isn’t it?

I think, sometimes, we put too much stock in how we affect other people.

I had originally planned to resign in August, when I move in to my new campus.  However, the situation at work was becoming so unbearable, that I decided now was the time.  I picked up applications a week and a half ago.  I returned them the middle of last week.  That day, I had the initial interview, and the next, I had the second.  By the time I left that second interview, I had orientation already scheduled.  It all moved rather fast, but as I have been praying for peace and guidance in this situation, I feel peace that this is the right decision.

I am so thankful for this new job that understands my time restraint for over the summer, and then my minimal availability for the new school year.  I am so thankful that this new job is able to provide me with the hours I have been asking for, for months.  I am so thankful that this job allows me to work, as I want to, in order to further build up funds for college.  I am so thankful that this new job provides me with responsibilities and challenges, which is something I have been desiring for a long time.

After my second interview, I told my mom that this new job feeds more mature.  After talking with the managers during the interviews, this new job seems to be exactly what I’ve been wanting for so long.

My time at my current job is coming to an end. When I work these final times, my shifts will be chock full of good-byes and “last times”.  It’s bittersweet and my heart is grieving.  I will miss the friends I have made, and the experiences I’ve had (potential robberies, scandals, even my first social study).  It was at this job that I brain-stormed (rather important) plot progressions for my story and I formed post ideas (some even published, others in the works).  This job has been crucial to my growth as a young adult, a worker, a thinker, a writer, and even as a Christian.  I am forever grateful.  However, I am looking forward to this new job, and even my new school, with anticipation and excitement.  I am excited for the new opportunities and experiences.

A chapter in my life is coming to a close.  A new adventure, bold and brilliant, is beginning before me.

The future is bright, and I am ready.

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